How to Cope with Grief during the Holidays

When in the midst of grief, it may feel like you are constantly juggling your grief and life’s expectations at the same time.  Add the holidays into the mix and it may seem impossible to juggle it all. Despite the holidays being touted as “the most wonderful time of the year”, some would describe them as the most dreadful. For those in the midst of grief, the holidays can add “fuel to the fire”, causing increased feelings of overwhelm. This “fuel” can come in the form of; heightened expectations, showing up to events alone, increased feelings of loneliness, financial strain, etc. If the “fire” was already feeling intense and out of control, it is no wonder that the holidays can cause feelings of dread.

Cancelling the season is not an option for most people, so how does one prepare for the holidays when they just aren’t feeling it? If the holidays are feeling dreadful or complicated due to grief, it may be a good time to increase coping skills and self-care.

Choose Self Compassion

• Be aware of self-critical thoughts

• Avoid comparing your lives to others or putting yourself down for feeling negative emotions

• Allow self-care in whatever form that may look like; reducing or increasing social contact, activities that make you feel better, resting more, etc.

• Set affirmation reminders or download affirmation apps, they can be useful as quick mental health check-ins

• Breathe - It sounds so simple and yet is one of the most difficult coping skills. Using breathing techniques to help calm us through a difficult season is the best gift we can give to our grieving and feeling bodies. 4-7-8 calm breathing or 2-1 stress-relief breathing are some simple and easy ways to get started.

Be Mindful of Social Media

• Limit consumption to content that helps with healing

• Temporarily avoid content that leaves you feeling envious, lonely, isolated

• Remind yourself that social media is a highlight reel of people's lives - everyone has struggles that are not shared publicly

• Create a temporary "throwaway" account if it is easier

Set Achievable Plans

• Social and self-imposed pressure or excitement can lead to stressful plans

• Before deciding on any gift or event, take time to list out the energy, cost, and hours required to carry them out

• If you often overextend yourself, intentionally "under plan" or add rest time to your calendar

Protect Your Boundaries

• Boundaries can change as the grief changes. They may need to be extremely firm when the grief is new or heightened. Take some time to note your boundaries. Conversation topics, gift or meal budgets, alcohol consumption, time and energy limits are examples of boundaries

• Allow yourself permission to set boundaries. You don’t have to do it all. It’s okay to disappoint people. It’s okay to keep it simple for now. By exercising both the yes and no muscles, we will find balance. By only saying yes when we mean it, we have more room in our lives for what ‘fills us up’’.

• Limit time with people you do not feel comfortable with. If unavoidable, try to avoid one-on-one interactions or take breaks often

• Practice setting boundaries in ways that feel safe: text a group chat that you will not be discussing a topic at dinner, tell a host how long you will be staying, ask a person you trust to check in on you

• Read our blog post on setting boundaries to learn more

Focus on the Good

• What we focus on becomes more significant in our eyes

• Find and remember the small joys and moments: a warm drink, a small act of kindness, a breath of fresh air, a snowflake, a song or piece of art, someone we appreciate, the peace of a quiet night in, cute animal videos

• Practice acts of kindness. Helping others can naturally boost our endorphin levels. Witness others doing good, like volunteering, can remind us that positivity exists

Affirm and Reward Yourself

• Permit yourself to play and rest in ways that heal you; video games, a mid-day nap, etc.

• Whether you are facing tough truths, dealing with grief, trying to heal from trauma or struggling with physical or mental health, affirm yourself for being human in the best way you can be.

• Seek Support: Find and reach out to support before you are in crisis. Schedule support groups, phone calls, sessions, etc. ahead of time. It is a like preventatively fighting cavities by brushing and flossing before the cavities arrive.

Will I be Stuck in Grief Forever?

Grief can feel like it will last forever causing a sense of being stuck. Each person relates to their grief differently. One of the most important things you can do is to simply acknowledge your grief and the “waves” that flow in and out of your life as a result. No wave lasts forever. You will not be stuck here.

No matter where you are in your grief journey, the most important thing you can do is to acknowledge your grief and the “waves” that flow in and out of your life as a result. No wave lasts forever. If you are looking for additional support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at info@restingtree.ca or book your free consultation today.