What Makes A Good Friend? 7 Green Flags to Look For
What is friendship really? We spend lots of time with those around us but that doesn’t make unnecessarily the best of friends. A good friend is a healthy influence your life, and there are some signs or characteristics that can enforce this. But a mutually agreeable friendship isn’t always the case and, unfortunately, sometimes that friendship can get mean or toxic even. These can be big things or small that pull the friendship in one direction, and while it is important to think about and realize these “red flags” it is even more important to be able to view and identify the “green flags” that make our friends indispensable. Here are some of the most important things to look for or note when thinking about a great friendship or relationship with someone:
Boundaries and personalities are respected
When you have respect for someone, you have respect for not just their good qualities, but also the ones that might be considered flaws. A good friend will respect and acknowledge both without making the other feel bad or guilty. They will also respect your space and may be able to recognize when you need it themselves or just respond kindly when you tell them so. Whether they ask questions or don’t, they just give you feelings of support. On the other end being a good friend also means recognizing when someone doesn’t like to do something or is uncomfortable with certain things or jokes. By recognizing these in our friends we can help them by either avoiding these topics or by distracting them if we notice their minds going in that direction.
2. You can be true to yourselves
Everyone should be able to accept and love themselves, and it’s even more important for the person closest to you to embrace who you are – quirks and all. If you feel like you never have to put on a show for someone and that they will like or accept you for how you are then you are being your authentic self in the relationship, and it can last a lifetime. A good friend won’t nag you or make you feel bad about yourself.
3. You feel good in their presence
This means that you have a great friendship, when you always leave feeling better than when you came. Whether you or they arrived struggling to sad and then was given some comfort. This doesn’t just apply to the mental aspect of our lives, but it also matters for our physical health. If you arrived with a low energy and after doing something that the two of you love, leaves you with a feeling of refreshment and contentment then that’s great. This can mean participating in a hobby that one of you greatly enjoys or both of you. But it is great if you or your friend are willing to learn about the others’ joys and happiness. In this way the support and positivity of any great relationship should be reciprocal – you do things for the other without expecting anything in return.
4. You can openly communicate
Communication is critical to being on the same page no matter the relationship, if you don’t communicate you can’t possible let someone know they are doing something wrong. This is a two-way street; you need to be able to communicate your own feelings all the while you need to be able be there and listen when your friend is communicating theirs. It is a great way to maintain and healthy and balanced relationship with each other.
5. There are ups and downs
In life, there are ups and downs. In a friendship this would mean that it can allow the bad moments as well as the good ones. Sometimes being honest can hurt a bit, but it is essential to maintain that bond between friends and to not become a people-pleaser. Read our last blog post on People-Pleasing for more information on that. A good friend will call you out on your bad choices or poor actions, they will try to encourage you to be a good friend as well.
6. You can enjoy laughter and silence together
Laughter can never be underestimated in any situation or relationship. Laughter can heal us physically, emotionally, and mentally. Even if it’s just a giggle or a tickle by a friend beside you it can help to lower stress and calm you down. And while communicating verbally is very important, a comfortable silence should never be underestimated. When the two of you can do your own thing and just feel comfortable in each other’s presence, it is a very special feeling that can help to ground and recharge you.
7. They truly want the best for you
They don’t tear you down for their own benefit, and they don’t fear your success. They want you to succeed because in that case, they have succeeded in being a great friend! They’re proud of your personality and maybe of your accomplishments as well, they take great pride in being your friend and the fact that you are also theirs. It’s a fantastic feeling and a large green flag when one of those closest to you is so supportive of your hard work instead of threatened by it.
Every relationship comes with their red flags and green flags, and it is important to understand
and to be able to identify both types of characteristics. Certain red flags can be tolerated and may be expected, as individuals aren’t perfect and we’re always learning. The important thing is to realize
when those red flags become harmful to us and when we need to take a step away from them. But life is
about balance and discovering just what we as individuals need from others as well as ourselves. The
person you think about when something great happens, something sad, or when you’re angry – is that someone who you depend upon. And if that person can feel the same way about you and come to you
when they are feeling anything – happy or sad, that is someone who you can consider a true friend.
Do you find that you are having trouble identifying who are your true friends and which relationships are helpful or hindering your daily lives? At Resting Tree we want to help you to discover your needs, and how to have healthy friendships. Do take time to consider how therapy may be able to help you. When you are ready to take that first step, we are here for you. Contact us at info@restingtree.ca or book your free consultation today.